A Letter to you from me.

I know I haven't posted in a long time, really long time, but with recent events I have the urge to post and share my thoughts.

As you have noticed I am from Oklahoma and with the recent traumatic events many many people have been devastated. What I want to talk about right now is how amazing that the churches have truly stepped up to the plate. They have done more than say "I wish you all well and keep praying." They have been out there in the rain and sun sweating, getting dirty, and serving the people of Oklahoma  There are literally lines of people waiting to volunteer and being helpful and loving. Oklahomans love their state, community, and family. We have been through tragedy before and we know what it takes, it takes us loving and helping each other.

I have never been so proud and so happy to have such amazing people in my state, and I must mention it isn't just Oklahoma churches and people stepping up there are many all over the nation doing the same thing. I wish I knew all the places that people have come from to help. I want to come and help the area myself in the coming days. My dad is out having knee surgery soon and I'm needed here to take care of the farm, but as soon as I have an availability to help and be there I will be there.

There is a subject matter for a long time I have stayed away from because it is such a taboo subject which is... The Westboro Baptist Church. I have heard rumors of them wanting to come to Oklahoma and protest for some absurd reason, that I don't, frankly, even know. But this is what I have to say about that.

Dear Westboro Baptist Church,

I'm sorry that in your life times you have not been shown the love that the Oklahoma people have shown each other in five minutes after the tornado. I'm sorry that you envy that kind of love. That kind of love is called the love of God. It's the love that only people that have open hearts and minds can have. You are full of hatred and all you've ever taught your family and community is hatred. You do not teach the same Bible and love that my God teaches. The God of the Heavens, the God of the universe, the Alpha and the Omega, you do not speak about Him. You speak of hate, evil, judgment, and filth. You may be saying scriptures, but you aren't speaking the language that my God speaks. He speaks of love, life, joy, and redemption.

Your lives are full of hopelessness and you wreak havoc on people who have hope and love because you do not know such things. All you know is greed, hate, hopelessness, judgment, and damnation. I hope that redemption isn't too late for you and your family. I encourage you to visit Oklahoma  I encourage you to help hand out food to the people of Oklahoma and pick up the debris and for once share love and hope. I encourage you to open up your hearts and love people as God has told us to love. He gave us a commandment above all else, "To love your neighbors as yourself". I don't always agree or like the things that people around me do, but I love them as people. I love them because that is what God has commanded me to do. I don't have to be yoked to these people. I don't have to make them my confidant. But I do make them my friends. I do not judge them because their sin is between them and God,as are mine, and as are yours.

Serve the people, don't protest them. Love the people, don't hate them. Because if you continue on this path you are on I fear your heart will harden and your family will follow in the all too familiar path as the pastor of the church, life of hopelessness. There is hope for you. God is here for you, the one and true God. Because the god you have been following is not the same God I have been following. My God doesn't teach hate. My God teaches joy, love, life, and hope. I encourage you to put more positivity in your life and see the wrong doings in which you have bestowed upon your family. Open your hearts. Love.

God Bless You.

-J

Life... as of today.

This year has been a year full of up and downs. It has been a complete roller coaster year, and to think it isn't even over yet. That when December 31 of 2011 happens in that last second every thing could change. Things that I want to happen or don't want to happen could all happen between now and then.

This amazing guy once sent me a song by Jimmy Eat World called 23. The lyrics stung me then and they sting me now. At one point it says in the song "You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time, what are you hoping for? I'm here and now I'm ready... holding on tight... don't give away the end. One thing that stays mine."

All I do in life is wait. I wait for something to happen. I wait for things to just change on their own. I have never went out and just made them happen. Everything has always just been on a whim. I'm done waiting. It's time to give every thing my all. To give life every thing. It's time to chase the things I want in life whole heartedly and never let go of it. I'm gonna hold on tight. I'm ready to live, to make things happen.

I know things will work out in God's perfect timing, but if I'm not reaching for it. If I'm not preparing for it... it won't happen. God's will for my life is to not sit around and wait. It's to live my life fully and completely.

I wish I could share my amazing life with that amazing guy, but timing isn't right... or it just isn't right. I hope someday he knows the impact he had on me.

I'm working as a substitute teacher right now and I'm hoping to get into the medical field. I'll go back to school and work on being a podiatrist or maybe even a pharmacist. We'll see how it all turns out. I know it has been a while since I've posted, but I've been too busy selfishly feeling sorry for myself to post anything.

No more feeling sorry for myself. I'm happy and getting my life in order and making something of myself. Everything happens in its perfect timing but I'm not going to just sit around and wait for that.

I'm going to live.

-J

"You stole my heart... give it back to me"

This is how I feel right now... every word, second, and beat. 

Secret Life?

Many people when they participate in the internet world have what you may think of as a "secret life". They do and say things that they normally would never do, because no one knows who they really are... right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. Someone, if they looked hard enough, can find out who you are. Everything you do on the internet is documented.

Actually... everything you do in life is documented.

So it is really this big secret life that you don't want anyone knowing about?

I have played online games since I was like 11-12. I have played all kinds of games. Some I am even considered a very well-known and liked player. I don't hide who I am. I know that if they wanted to find me they could. I could find anyone I want to find if I was creepy enough, which I'm not... so no worries. There are people out there that really are THAT creepy.

But the big taboo about the internet is...

1. No girls on the internet
2. Every person behind the "other side" of the screen is some old perverted dude that wants to murder, rape, and chop you up in tiny pieces. That could be either/all/or just one of those options.

The truth is.... you're more likely to get hit by a bus crossing the street than someone come and find you off the internet. You're more likely to get hit by a drunk driver going to the grocery store at 1pm than to get killed by a person on the internet.

So why is it so scary? Is it the lack of knowledge? the what if? the wondering? I'm saying keep yourself safe and be smart you know don't give out your home address... make them work for it goodness. Just know once it's on the internet... it's there. It's never going away. It's never leaving.

Be careful what kind of finger print you put into cyberspace.

-J

Dignity, Modesty, and all of the above.

I've been reading this thread on the amazon web site about modesty. It was all started when someone created the thread asking if high school girls can show cleavage. I responded, naturally, to the question and I explained how my mom raised me. There were arguments saying we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies and basically we should show what the good Lord gave us.

I just mentioned how I think about modesty and I got replies about the most extreme thing. I say modesty and it's like people think of stuff like this.

I'm not talking about that stuff. That's not even cute or stylish. I'm talking about stuff like this.

Now see that is cute, the dress is actually a bit longer than what I would personally wear but I would totally wear that if it was a bit above the knee. It has a V-neck line, it's nicely fit around the waist and it's an overall cute style.
What about this?

I would DEFINITELY wear that dress. That is super cute and totally my style. It could be dressed up with some cute heels, or dressed down a bit with some cute summer sandals. It's totally feminine and it's completely in style.

Just because you have it, or maybe lack it, doesn't mean you should flaunt everything the good Lord gave you. It is possible, and acceptable, to dress modestly and not feel like you're wearing a trash bag, or look like you are from the puritan era. Sometimes less is more ladies.

-J

Born this way...

          One of the things that I have yet to blog about is homosexuality. As I am a believer in God and homosexuality can be quite an issue at times. I have nothing against homosexuality. Is it wrong? Is it right? Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve? I don't know. All I know is that what matters most is if a person loves God and lives their life to the best of their ability. Who am I to judge what is the best of their ablility? Who am I, who is anyone, to say anyone involved with the same sex lives in sin. We all live in sin. We were all born in sin.

          I love people of all race, gender, ethnicity. I love them all. I love them all because Jesus loves all of us no matter who we are, or what we've done. No, I'm not perfect and there are people that I just rather not be around, I just physically don't have it in me to hate anyone no matter what they've done to me or anyone else. I don't know what is going on within them. I'm not their judge. I'm here to live my life for God, and to spread the good news. I'm here to love you and be your friend. No matter where I am or where I come from or who I will be, I will always be a friend to you.

          So we're all born this way. We're all born in sin. All we can do is accept God in our hearts and love others as God loves us. I can't remember which scripture it is but it does say that the best way to spread the gospel and show who Jesus is, is to love others. To show people love.

          No matter if they've told a white lie, caused the holocaust, or confused about their sexuality... we are to love them because God loves them.  THAT is the heart of God. Love.

-J

Moving.

          In my last blog I wrote a "poem" on me dropping out of college. It is more or less me saying I'm going to take a break from school for the next two or three years and pay off my loans then go back to school. I want to be a podiatrist. I've thought and though and prayed and prayed, and helping people is what makes me happy. I need a career where I can genuinely help people because is EXACTLY how I feel. I want to show people love and compassion, and what better way than to show it through helping them take care of their feet! I'm REALLY excited about "discovering" this about myself. 

          Knowing this about myself leads me to another piece of information. I have decided to move back home and live with my parents, temporarily, until I get a good job and pay off my loans then head back to school. There is not a podiatry school in Oklahoma, the closest one is Arizona. I don't know what school I would be going to, but right now I'm just focusing on getting moved, getting a good job, and paying my loans off. My parents have been giving me money each month so I can survive while I went to school, and as I am no longer going to school at this moment, I decided moving home is what's best. I'm at peace with this decision. Completely.

          Something that I have not shared on my blog is my health. I've had some issues with me being sick. It turns out I have a ovarian cyst. I think I've had it for some time now but I'm not sure. I've had some issues with a physicians assistant, and because of that I don't know the details quite yet. I'm hoping to make an appointment to find out if it's something I should be a bit more worried about or not. As it stands, I really have no idea what is going on with it. lol. It's okay though. I'm young and I take care of myself so the odds are everything is fine and nothing is going on. Just pray for me and keep me in your thoughts.

Looks like I'm moving back to Poteau... for now.

-J