Life... as of today.

This year has been a year full of up and downs. It has been a complete roller coaster year, and to think it isn't even over yet. That when December 31 of 2011 happens in that last second every thing could change. Things that I want to happen or don't want to happen could all happen between now and then.

This amazing guy once sent me a song by Jimmy Eat World called 23. The lyrics stung me then and they sting me now. At one point it says in the song "You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time, what are you hoping for? I'm here and now I'm ready... holding on tight... don't give away the end. One thing that stays mine."

All I do in life is wait. I wait for something to happen. I wait for things to just change on their own. I have never went out and just made them happen. Everything has always just been on a whim. I'm done waiting. It's time to give every thing my all. To give life every thing. It's time to chase the things I want in life whole heartedly and never let go of it. I'm gonna hold on tight. I'm ready to live, to make things happen.

I know things will work out in God's perfect timing, but if I'm not reaching for it. If I'm not preparing for it... it won't happen. God's will for my life is to not sit around and wait. It's to live my life fully and completely.

I wish I could share my amazing life with that amazing guy, but timing isn't right... or it just isn't right. I hope someday he knows the impact he had on me.

I'm working as a substitute teacher right now and I'm hoping to get into the medical field. I'll go back to school and work on being a podiatrist or maybe even a pharmacist. We'll see how it all turns out. I know it has been a while since I've posted, but I've been too busy selfishly feeling sorry for myself to post anything.

No more feeling sorry for myself. I'm happy and getting my life in order and making something of myself. Everything happens in its perfect timing but I'm not going to just sit around and wait for that.

I'm going to live.

-J

"You stole my heart... give it back to me"

This is how I feel right now... every word, second, and beat. 

Secret Life?

Many people when they participate in the internet world have what you may think of as a "secret life". They do and say things that they normally would never do, because no one knows who they really are... right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. Someone, if they looked hard enough, can find out who you are. Everything you do on the internet is documented.

Actually... everything you do in life is documented.

So it is really this big secret life that you don't want anyone knowing about?

I have played online games since I was like 11-12. I have played all kinds of games. Some I am even considered a very well-known and liked player. I don't hide who I am. I know that if they wanted to find me they could. I could find anyone I want to find if I was creepy enough, which I'm not... so no worries. There are people out there that really are THAT creepy.

But the big taboo about the internet is...

1. No girls on the internet
2. Every person behind the "other side" of the screen is some old perverted dude that wants to murder, rape, and chop you up in tiny pieces. That could be either/all/or just one of those options.

The truth is.... you're more likely to get hit by a bus crossing the street than someone come and find you off the internet. You're more likely to get hit by a drunk driver going to the grocery store at 1pm than to get killed by a person on the internet.

So why is it so scary? Is it the lack of knowledge? the what if? the wondering? I'm saying keep yourself safe and be smart you know don't give out your home address... make them work for it goodness. Just know once it's on the internet... it's there. It's never going away. It's never leaving.

Be careful what kind of finger print you put into cyberspace.

-J

Dignity, Modesty, and all of the above.

I've been reading this thread on the amazon web site about modesty. It was all started when someone created the thread asking if high school girls can show cleavage. I responded, naturally, to the question and I explained how my mom raised me. There were arguments saying we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies and basically we should show what the good Lord gave us.

I just mentioned how I think about modesty and I got replies about the most extreme thing. I say modesty and it's like people think of stuff like this.

I'm not talking about that stuff. That's not even cute or stylish. I'm talking about stuff like this.

Now see that is cute, the dress is actually a bit longer than what I would personally wear but I would totally wear that if it was a bit above the knee. It has a V-neck line, it's nicely fit around the waist and it's an overall cute style.
What about this?

I would DEFINITELY wear that dress. That is super cute and totally my style. It could be dressed up with some cute heels, or dressed down a bit with some cute summer sandals. It's totally feminine and it's completely in style.

Just because you have it, or maybe lack it, doesn't mean you should flaunt everything the good Lord gave you. It is possible, and acceptable, to dress modestly and not feel like you're wearing a trash bag, or look like you are from the puritan era. Sometimes less is more ladies.

-J

Born this way...

          One of the things that I have yet to blog about is homosexuality. As I am a believer in God and homosexuality can be quite an issue at times. I have nothing against homosexuality. Is it wrong? Is it right? Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve? I don't know. All I know is that what matters most is if a person loves God and lives their life to the best of their ability. Who am I to judge what is the best of their ablility? Who am I, who is anyone, to say anyone involved with the same sex lives in sin. We all live in sin. We were all born in sin.

          I love people of all race, gender, ethnicity. I love them all. I love them all because Jesus loves all of us no matter who we are, or what we've done. No, I'm not perfect and there are people that I just rather not be around, I just physically don't have it in me to hate anyone no matter what they've done to me or anyone else. I don't know what is going on within them. I'm not their judge. I'm here to live my life for God, and to spread the good news. I'm here to love you and be your friend. No matter where I am or where I come from or who I will be, I will always be a friend to you.

          So we're all born this way. We're all born in sin. All we can do is accept God in our hearts and love others as God loves us. I can't remember which scripture it is but it does say that the best way to spread the gospel and show who Jesus is, is to love others. To show people love.

          No matter if they've told a white lie, caused the holocaust, or confused about their sexuality... we are to love them because God loves them.  THAT is the heart of God. Love.

-J

Moving.

          In my last blog I wrote a "poem" on me dropping out of college. It is more or less me saying I'm going to take a break from school for the next two or three years and pay off my loans then go back to school. I want to be a podiatrist. I've thought and though and prayed and prayed, and helping people is what makes me happy. I need a career where I can genuinely help people because is EXACTLY how I feel. I want to show people love and compassion, and what better way than to show it through helping them take care of their feet! I'm REALLY excited about "discovering" this about myself. 

          Knowing this about myself leads me to another piece of information. I have decided to move back home and live with my parents, temporarily, until I get a good job and pay off my loans then head back to school. There is not a podiatry school in Oklahoma, the closest one is Arizona. I don't know what school I would be going to, but right now I'm just focusing on getting moved, getting a good job, and paying my loans off. My parents have been giving me money each month so I can survive while I went to school, and as I am no longer going to school at this moment, I decided moving home is what's best. I'm at peace with this decision. Completely.

          Something that I have not shared on my blog is my health. I've had some issues with me being sick. It turns out I have a ovarian cyst. I think I've had it for some time now but I'm not sure. I've had some issues with a physicians assistant, and because of that I don't know the details quite yet. I'm hoping to make an appointment to find out if it's something I should be a bit more worried about or not. As it stands, I really have no idea what is going on with it. lol. It's okay though. I'm young and I take care of myself so the odds are everything is fine and nothing is going on. Just pray for me and keep me in your thoughts.

Looks like I'm moving back to Poteau... for now.

-J

I'm a college drop out...

I'm 22-years old and I'm a college drop out.
I've been to school since I was four, and I'm a college drop out.
In my college career I have learned that I hate group projects
In my college career I have learned  that the piece of paper declaring that I'm educated
only means you completed tons of useless work that in the end will amount... to nothing.
I'm 22-years old and I'm a college drop out.

They don't understand, and never will.
Suddenly the life experience
and the 18 other years of school I went to mean nothing.
I'm uneducated and can't communicate
I don't work well with others
and the only job I'm ever expected to get, supposedly ends in "Would you like fries with that?"
I'm 22-years old and I'm a college drop out.


I'm 22-years old and I'm a college drop out.
I'm intelligent, happy, and outgoing
I have plenty of friends, and I don't work a job that ends in "Would you like fries with that?"
I have gone through things at my age that many people don't go through in a life time.
I love my life.
I love me.
Many people in this world can't say that.
I can.
I'm 22-years old and I'm a college drop out.

-J

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/dancinjen

I'll bite, even though it wasn't my question. You and /I/ wake up in a psych ward...

Why would they put a guy in my room? lol.

Ask me anything

What is your favorite cartoon character?

Tweety bird by far. I love him. He's so sarcastic and it's fantastic.

Ask me anything

You and I wake up in a psychiatric ward together. Using 4 words, what would you say to me? Note: And If you comment, you must copy and ask others, so I may comment on yours as well.. Be a good sport and play along... 4 words isn't easy

"I don't know you." Since this is an anonymous person asking the question that will have to be my answer.

Ask me anything

What language would you like to learn how to speak?

I would love to learn to speak Vietnamese. My best friend is Vietnamese and I would love to be able to talk to her in her language and someday visit her family and her country.

Ask me anything

Sleeping... Protection

There has been attacks on some people, including myself, lately in our dreams. I'm seeking prayer and protection over this issue.

"By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me-a prayer to the God of my life."        - Psalm 42:8

"God is our refuge and strength,    an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam    and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,    the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall;    God will help her at break of day.  Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;    he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us;    the God of Jacob is our fortress.  Come and see what the LORD has done,    the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease    to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;    he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;    I will be exalted among the nations,    I will be exalted in the earth.”  The LORD Almighty is with us;    the God of Jacob is our fortress."                                   -Psalm 46

There has been a special shift in the spirit in the Oklahoma City metropolitan. There has been a special unity between church and schools. Amazing things are happening and we need to pray protection over these things, protection over our lives and our sleep. That our minds won't be cluttered, but will be free and have complete faith and trust in God. 

" Save me, O God, by your name;
vindicate me by your might.
Hear my prayer, O God;
listen to the words of my mouth.
Arrogant foes are attacking me;
ruthless people are trying to kill me—
people without regard for God.
Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me.
Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
in your faithfulness destroy them.
I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you;
I will praise your name, LORD, for it is good.
You have delivered me from all my troubles,
and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes."
-Psalm 54

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What's your favorite board game?

My favorite board game is wahoo. I LOVE that game. It's a childhood game that I used to play at my great-grandmother's house.

Ask me anything

"Dreaming is believing... just be true to who you are"

           It has been a long time since I've done a real honest blog about what may be going on inside me. I like to think that anyone that knew me growing up if they haven't seen/talked to me since I graduated they would know I'm different. I'm way different than what and who I used to be. Even after the first two years of college I'm a completely different person. I'm way more confident. I still may not know exactly where I'm going to go from here, and I may hate being in school right now because I know my heart is into other things. I'm almost done with this major and then I can move on from here. I just have to graduate with this major.

          I know now that I can be much more than I even know that I can be. I can see the possibilities, I have God on my side, and I know through Him I am victorious! The battle is already won. I know that there are amazing things ahead of me. I will get there, it's in God's perfect timing and His timing alone.

"Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart, but tears don't mean you're losing, everybody is bruising... just be true to who you are."

          I made an entry earlier in this blog about me wanting to go into podiatry, I'm pretty positive that's where I want to go. So what if I won't be done with school until I am like 35-years old. I want to help people. I want to travel the world and provide health care for people. I want to see and believe. I want to see that happiness in people's eyes when someone does something nice for them. I want to see God reach into people's lives, touch their hearts, and turn their world upside down FOR THE BETTER. All you have to do is believe and love.
        
          The greatest of all commandments is to love God with all your heart. The second of all commandments is to love your neighbor as you love yourself. How powerful is that?! There is nothing more powerful than love. Nothing more powerful than loving God, than loving others, loving yourself. Having complete faith God will get you so far in life. You haven't even touched the blessings in your life until you give yourself to God whole heartedly.

We are beautiful people with beautiful dreams.
J

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/dancinjen

168 hours

There are 168 hours in a week. Somehow in all of that 168 hours we claim to be so busy we don't have time for a single thing. But when you think about it what exactly are you doing with those 168 hours. I mean really, be honest with yourself. What are you doing? How many hours a week do you spend watching movies,youtube videos, t.v., and whatever else? How many hours a week are you on facebook?

How are you spending your time? After you answer this question then think to yourself, Am I spending my time wisely? What could I cut out of my life and make more time for?

Is it really you have no time, or you just don't want to do whatever someone is asking you to do so you make it this habit to say, I'M TOO BUSY TO HELP YOU. I'm to busy to volunteer for the homeless shelters. I'm too busy to go be encouraging to a friend in need. I'm too busy to be helpful and considerate.

We are selfish human beings, it's natural. It's not an excuse. I have to remind myself this all the time "I'm naturally a selfish human being, but that is NOT an excuse." I'm making it a personal goal to re-evaluate my time and use it more effectively. That is going to be my constant goal in life. Someday it may come to deleting my facebook. Who knows. I rather people e-mail/call/text me instead of trying to contact me on facebook.

Facebook is nice. It's good. It's overused.
That being said, I actually think twitter is brilliant. It's something I can do on the go. It doesn't have everything up there about me. It's just... twitter. That's it. Twitter. I'm considering dumping facebook. I won't delete my account. I'll just put almost everything on private and make it to where someone has to e-mail/call/text me if they want to talk to me.

Actually I just did that. I just made it available to very few people to see everyone on my page. Very few I mean like, only 10 people can see everything on my page, and no one can post on my wall.

Facebook takes up way too much time.

Time management.
-Jen

Memories

Today has been exactly one year since my Uncle Kenny passed away. I've thought long and hard about this blog and exactly what to say, but nothing is going to be perfect nothing about this blog seems right.

I love my Uncle Kenny so much. He was always there cracking jokes and telling stories.

I'm going to tell the last memory I have of him at the Christmas before he passed away.

It was my cousin Tracy, Aunt Priscilla, me, Nanny, My mom, and I know there were others there but I can't exactly remember who all was in the living room at his house when this happened. They were opening gifts and my Uncle gave Aunt Priscilla a gift to open. So she opens it up and it's one of those make-up mirrors that light up and it's normal on one side then you turn it over and it's a huge magnified glass on the other side. What was so funny about it was when my Aunt turned it over to the magnified side and squeals. Apparently, her eye was the size of a orange because of it being enlarged. My Uncle was just laughing and we were all in there laughing and he was teasing her about it. It's one of my favorite Christmas memories.

Today, don't say Rest in Peace. Today don't be sad. Because if I know one thing about my Uncle is I know he is having a party in heaven. Today, share your memories, and create new ones. Love your family, and spend as much time with them as you can. Give everyone a hug and tell them you love them.